hi everyone! i know its been an exceedingly long time since anything was posted so i thought i'd say a thing or two. first and foremost, life is generally good! my parents still work at their same jobs, and jordyn and i have both started high school now. we still live in sunny Santa Barbara ca. Jordyn is playing for our jv water polo team at high school and i was recently in a sketh comedy in a talent showcase at our highschool. we recently attended homecoming (quit different than Holden prom!). other than that life goes on as normal!

White Suspended Between the Blue

At the waters edge she stands
Upon reed legs
Snowy white reflected
In the blue and brown of the slew
Her legs stretch and bend slowly
With purpose
Her movement sends tiny ripples across the water
She is watching every movement under the surface
All at once she lifts up her regal head and spreads giant cloud wings
She leaps and lifts on unseen currents
Into the sky
Gliding
White suspended between the blue
White suspended between the blue

Frost

Frozen in time
Etched onto the path with white feathers
Each line traced
Perfect and lovely
The silver leaf sparkles in the afternoon light
A quiet reminder of attentive love
Bringing death into the likeness of God

Holy Rivers

I woke with a start
To the sound of heavy rain outside my window
And lay in bed thinking of all the things I did not put away
The cushions on the outdoor furniture,
The dryer, all of my wooden baskets,
The towels that were “Drying on the fence”
I have to admit, I panicked a little…
I got dressed quickly and went out into the downpour
Rushing around in the middle of the night
Putting the already soaking things away
With my trusty dog following me from one task to another
Both of us getting wholly wet
Then I paused
Tasks done
And felt the rain on my upturned face
Delicious and cold
Patterns on my cheek
Tears that nurture this brittle dry earth
And waken autumn within me
What a way to awaken in the middle of the night!
With Joy spilling out of the sky
Kissing parched ground
Running Holy Rivers all over town
Filling my soul
To the brim

Clouds and Self Pity Lose Their Appeal

It shown
A small light
In the grey mass of clouds
That distorted and surrounded
A glimmer
A sparkle
Shimmering
Waiting for me to take a step forward
To receive the gift
I had been avoiding all day
While I sank into the darkness of my own making
It stayed lit
Occasionally flickering in the breeze
But otherwise unfazed by my attempt to ignore it
So I walked forward
After fighting with no one but myself
And received the simple gift
Of light
Somehow when the golden flame is near
Clouds and self pity lose their appeal

Moving Blue

We meandered along the green
The last days of summer
Slipping through fingers like sand
We made our slow way East
After an evening meal
Walking along the cliff edge
Overlooking a field of moving blue
We paused and talked along the way
Stopping for moments of silent gazing
Taking in the mysterious depths
Where unseen
The starfish cling to rocky ledges
Where fish and seals roam
Through yellowed fields of kelp
Dancing with the current
The dolphins moved in the water below
Along the base of the cliff
And the moon hung silver in the sky
Leaving silver patterns
Sparkling and laughing
On the moving
Blue

Reflection

I have been thinking about Jordyn's weekend. It all went by so fast and yet we did hold an honoring of change and movement. Not just for her, but for each of the Women who came or wrote, we took the time to pause and acknowledge the passing of time and share the sacredness of the journey. I was amazed by what some of the people shared both in letter and in conversation. The wisdom imparted was inspiring, connecting, vulnerable, and full of thought. In our culture we forget to stop and be present in the here and now in the changes, with growing flowers, and with each other. The gift of the weekend for me was the depth of connection in the space of laughter, tears, and silence. We were able to stop and be present...with a word cut out of a magazine, watching the dolphins, taking a walk, resting on the porch, swimming, or engaged in conversation. Those moments that often pass us by are our life, and we are living it.

Spiders

Spiders
They weave and crawl
In hidden places
And make jeweled patterns
In the trees and in my classroom
Outside on bench and table,
In doorways and across the expanse of our windows
On drain pipes and coat hooks they hold cottony white
And stick to passers by
The patterns shine with dew drops in the early morning
And capture the unsuspecting
Today I swept away a summers worth of work
Home and Table
Caught on the end of my broom
I pushed the workers out once again to the periphery of my world
Wishing them well and gone all the same
They made an eight legged escape over the brush and up the hill
To begin a new Pattern in the trees
Far away from prying bristles
That destroys a summer’s work in a moment

Dolphins

The glide silently beneath the waves
Giving only a glimpse
Of frolic and fun
They gleam
Dark bodies
Sparkling with silver jewels
Then disappear from sight
I find myself
Tense
Standing on shore
Holding my breath
Waiting for the magic
Of gray bodies
To suddenly pierce the vast blue
To catch a glance
Of liquid hope
Dancing,
Dancing,
Dancing
In summer sun

Jordyn Mietzke Turned Thirteen

Jordyn turned thirteen this week and we had a celebration welcoming her into the ranks of womanhood. We rented a beach house for the weekend and women came from far and wide to honor her and to remember pieces of their own journey. It was a beautiful weekend of women sharing and laughing. Aunties and cousins, friends and sisters, mothers and godmothers and of course the grandmothers and a grand auntie came together.
We began the weekend with good food and art. We made a collage of thoughts and picture’s, each person adding to the whole. We shared stories of our own beginnings of our journey as women. We sang and laughed; we walked and stayed up till all hours of the night listening to the sound of the waves.
Each woman who came took some time to be with Jordyn and to share words of advice, encouragement or ways in which they found their peace amid the chaos of daily living, and many women who could not be here sent letters of encouragement and inspiration. Of the women who were there, Yvette gave the first gift, she gave Jordyn her first surfing lesson. Then Grandma Mary shared about gardening, Kako sent a letter about faith and connection and good toe and tooth hygiene that had everyone in stitches, Tam shared quilt making, Alison shared a walk and a beautiful new outfit, Christie shared some poetry and spiritual wisdom, Hiwot shared the gift of a traditional Ethiopian meal, Rachel and Nyrie shared the gift of sisterhood and time, Ama (my Mom) and her sister Sherry shared the gift of laughter and song and my Mom brought most of the art supplies and drove to get coffee in the morning and cooked and cleaned with Mary. Jj shared the gift of Long baths, good smelling soap and massage. I gave the gift of honoring change through ritual, and a midnight swim in phosphorescence.
This is a difficult weekend to describe except to say it was a weekend based in connection. Saturday all day long people took turns connecting with Jordyn, and Saturday evening we drew Jordyn a bath and light candles all around. Alison Jj and I gave her a message while the rest of the women prepared the space where we would gather to have a service of blessing and song. After the message Jordyn put on a new outfit and received a lantern (a gift of light to brighten her path). We then led her out to the circle of women.
Red and purple cloth lay on the ground creating a circle with cedar branches and candles. Jordyn was led into the circle and lit a candle first to her creator, second to the women who came before her third to the women who would come after and forth for the men and boys who love and support her. Then each of the women offered a blessing on her behalf; each lit a candle as the blessing was offered. Then we sang songs and listened to verse and poems and then we all welcomed her into the outer circle.
One thing that struck me about Jordyn during the whole weekend was her unwavering attention and her ability to be present with each person who was there. She listened intently to everything offered at the service and cherished each of the letters that were sent. I was amazed at her grace and watched as she gazed into each person’s face as they spoke to her. I just kept thinking about how amazing it is to be her mom.
We ended the evening with a bonfire and a very cold swim in the ocean where the phosphorescence glistened on us like stars and the waves shone blue against the darkness of the night. It was a magical night and the beginning of a new part of her journey.
We ended the weekend with Jordyn sharing about her weekend and then had a birthday party where her friends from school and their families joined us. The Dolphins showed up in the middle of her party and gave a show jumping up out of the water, racing and turning. It was amazing! They swam about 40 feet off shore for a long time as if they too had come for the party.
During part of the weekend the whales also showed up spouting and slapping the water and their tails rising then sinking into the water. We also had a couple of sea lions come to visit and a little white eyed weasel. All and all it was a pretty amazing weekend.
I wanted to say a special thank you to everyone who showed up and sent letters. It really felt lovely to have all of you sharing your thoughts and time with my daughter and honoring her life in this way. It was a blessing to her and it was a blessing to me. I love you all!

Circle of Light

She stood in the circle of light
Open and receptive
To each of the blessings offered there
From sister and cousin
Aunts and friends
Godmother and mother
And the wise grandmothers
Each held her in their gaze
And welcomed
The beating of her heart
The rounding and stretching of her body
Her life
The change
A gift to each
A reminder of the journey
How individual and connected
We all strive towards the light

Magic Mountain

Okay, so I know that Going to Six Flags Magic Mountain isn't your traditional Anniversary event, but we had a great time!  We were going to go for my birthday, back in July, but there was just too much going on.  Visitors and trips that we enjoyed immensely!  Summer camps, plannig, family, you get the idea.  We also knew that we didn't have the time for a romantic get away, so we combined the two.  We left the girls with their aunt and uncle (Thank You!), and headed for the fun park. 


To say we enjoyed ourselves is a great understatement.  We rode eleven roller coasters in ten and a half hours, stopping only for extravagantly overpriced food and restrooms.  We hit all of the big ones, Superman was not running, don't know why, and we missed X2, which is I think the newest ride to the park.  We might have made it on to X2 but we decided to have some dinner instead. Barbecue sandwiches that  hit the spot!

Next time we're going for the flash pass, it lets you set time for a ride, and then skip to the front of the line when it's your time.   Even without it though we had a great time, The park has done a great job of providing shade for the lines, and keeping you in the shade while you are waiting.

My favorite was Riddler's Revenge, it's a stand-up coaster with a lot of loops and twists, but it doesn't feel like it's throwing you about, or trying to pull your lunch out through your spine.  I think Ang's favorite was DejaVu.  You start by going up a tower and dropping to roll through a series of turns and loops and up another tower then you do the whole thing backwards.  Very disorienting, and Fun!  We also both enjoyed Goliath with it's huge (255 foot) primary drop into a tunnel, and pretty smooth ride.

All in all it was a great way to spend our anniversary, and a break we both needed.

Waiting at the Edge

She stood waiting at the edge
Then leapt into the arms of nothing
Trusting the fabric strapped to her back
To spread open
And sail her gently to the ground

He stood at the edge
Knowing something was about to happened
Still locked into an idea
That would not let him go
He teetered and fell grasping at thin strings
To break his fall
He is still falling
There is no ground for him
As of yet

I have stood on the edge
Many times toes curled ready to jump
Then slowly edged myself away from the abyss
Trying out smaller ones where I was sure I could not fail
Where the fall would cause only minor bruises and scrapes
Where I did not have to trust myself to fate and equipment

They stand on the edge for a cause
Jumping, diving, trusting
Then flying
Arms open,
Knowing that the moment of faith would lift them
In unexpected ways
On the wings of unseen angels

Someday maybe
I will unleash myself from all of these questions
Be able to dive in
Living on faith
Like water

Chase the Crow

As the sand pressed between my toes
I relaxed into its warmth beneath my feet
I watched our dog centered in the joy of the chase
The crow flew before him almost taunting
He ran up the beach and back
Ears flying
Tongue flapping
He seemed to say
This is what it is about
Silly human
Chase the crow
Chase the crow and feel the wind blow your ears
It doesn’t matter if you catch it
What matters is that you experience
A moment of freedom
And live

Dogwood Blossoms

They clung to the branches
Like hope
Reflecting light from the cosmos
On a darkened path
Even on a cloudy night
Their petal white fingers spread
From the golden center
In a gesture of openness
And served as guides
Along the path towards shelter

High-Heeled Shoes

It was the high-heeled shoes
That struck me
As we talked
I couldn’t help looking down at the red
That raised her whole body inches above mine
To where my neck craned to see
The once beautiful
But overly made up face
There was pain
It could be seen
Just below the mask
Of rouge, powder, and plastic
That pulled back skin thinly
And led to a barely noticeable smile
She was young once
Then walked through the middle ground
Like me
Now she has taken
That step beyond
But tries to hold on to an idea
By manipulating and painting herself
Like a doll
Whose countenance cannot show emotion
We all put up walls to confuse or protect
We all think that we can fool
Even ourselves
With this game of charades
As I took her in
I realized that
Adopting red shoes
And feeding the mask
Can only serve
To leave a question with those
Who stop and try
To see beyond
The shadow self
Into the depths
My question
What caused you this much pain ?

Let It Go

Let everything be
For a little while
Quit shaping,
Pruning
and organizing
The plants
So that they grow
Controlled
In the dirt
Never to wander up the fence
With wild arms
This idea of perfection
For which you strive
Is driving everyone
Crazy
Including you
Let everything be
Your presentation
Does not have to be
Perfect
For you to experience the
Hand of Love
Gently rocking your Chair
God loves,
Even your crazy morning hair
And Torn Pajamas
Let everything be
The pressure is only building
Because you won’t let go
Of the idea of perfect

Heart Wisdom

Speak your wisdom,
Oh, heart
With your
Steady
Rhythmic
Beat
Beat
Beating…
Let your
Ebb and flow
Drowned out
The loose cannon
Thoughts
Of the mind
Which run wild tonight
Spinning and reeling
In too many directions to count
Move loudly within
Slowing
Steadying
Being
Beat
Beat
Beating
Until the mind
Is quiet

Fog

In the fog at dusk
I went walking
Through gray mist
Gathered round like hen feathers
Giving a sense of peace
Bringing my childhood to memory

I used to love coming down to the beach
On fogy days
I had a favorite rock
Where
I would stand
Unseen
Unheard
Singing to the sea
Songs that welled up inside of me
Nonsense and longing
Erased for a moment
All of the days
Thoughts that plagued me
I was left
With the feeling of being utterly alone
Yet fully attended by the solitude
In which the holy is present

In the gray
I could empty myself of shame and fear
And immerse myself in imagination
I sang of love and brokenness
Of hope and longing
Memories and desires
Everything I poured out was soaked up by
Surrounding gray
My secrets were safe
They would retreat back into the sea
As the sun burned through the fog

As an adult I felt nervous about being alone in the fog
I did not want to leave the comfort of the sun
For a moment of isolation and spiritual solitude
As I entered
I felt within me
A familiar song

One
Not heard for quite some time
I did not sing it
As loud as I once might have
But it came to me
As a sweet secret
Whispered

Here,I
sacred found
In this space of in between
Hanging round
Like a shroud
Subtle,
Mine to treasure

Lady Bugs

It was a mourner’s beach
I walked this evening
Hundreds of
Red and black bodies
Lay tumbled and forgotten in the surf
Why did they come?
Were they bewitched by the oceans call?
As I looked down saddened
I saw movement
Not all were lost
And I began to gather up little round bodies
In my hands
I started with just a few
They kept wriggling their way
Between my closed fingers
Falling back onto the sand once more
So I went back to my car
Dog in toe and got my coffee mug
Down on my hands and knees now,
I began filling my mug
With one cupped hand over the top
In an hour and a half I collected
Well over a hundred
Lady bugs
Then stopped
When the light had faded
With a full cup I headed back to my car
I drove one hand over the top of the mug,
And the other on the steering wheel
Back to my garden
I set the cup
In the middle
Then watched as they poured out of the top
Red, black, and beautiful
Clambering out into the green
I wished that I could have saved more
Of those precious aphid eaters
It was a mourner’s beach
I walked tonight,
But this is
A thanksgiving garden
Where
Red and black
Fade into
Green